At The Crack of a New Beginning

Deep pains...deep cries of agony, deep cuts in our hearts that pierced our souls,sorrows we couldn't speak about. Who would get it anyway?They tell me to be strong no one cares, put your best foot forward laugh your worries away...but what happens when laughter doesn't take this pain away?what happens when it becomes harder and harder to numb these feelings?what happens when showing up everyday drains the energy from my being?when it becomes tougher to tame the negative thoughts running scot free in my mind creating a wild fire am too tired to squash? what happens when being strong is not it anymore give me another word...what happens when maybe just maybe i need someone to lean on to cry to. Someone to tell I don't know how or when i will get out of this hole. What happens when my life doesn't make sense and comparison has killed my joy. What happens when i start questioning the God i was told was good and perfect and able. What happens when in my heart there is no praise to give maybe a lament or a wail. My heart is torn between praising you for my life God and wishing it could be taken away. Then boom! the year is coming to an end suddenly we are celebrating the end of a bad year and hoping next year will do us good.We are so excited we made it so elated nothing else matters. Then comes along our new year taglines. "2025 is my year!" The manifestations, the good old sayings...so romantic i wonder if we believe them.

Maybe we do maybe we don't who am I to judge the hearts' secrets and intentions? Who am i to tell you what to think when my mind is a wild dog running mad. Haha can I at least try? I fear the hype of a new year i avoid it. I fear the hype of a new month I don't get close to it,I see the light it brings and the hope but I just can't help not letting go of the suffering i know too well. I can't help seeing the hype as a facade as a mist that will soon disappear when the sun shines bright...a rainbow that will fade away when the rain hits the ground. I look at the ground and argue with myself. What will grow from it when this ground is cursed? What will grow truly that a man can eat lest a man plants it's seed...what bears fruit for us to eat. The hype is good it cheers you up it helps you forget all the things you have endured this year. The silent cries of help the rejection the suicidal thoughts the loss you are far from accepting the disappointment that washed away your confidence the abuse the comparison the grief the empty pockets the days you slept wondering does it ever get better. We laugh online we tell each other jokes and present our best selves and that's perfect more than okay but can we sit and question where we lost sight of our authenticity our vulnerability...tell me really i want to know...how can we swim in the sea with the crowd and head over to the new land of another year when there are too many emotions weighing us down too many demons crippling our self belief. Oh we thought we could numb them forever? Or maybe we wished the hype would last forever? We hope the new year vibes will take us through the next year...the skeletons in our closet don't really matter i am okay i will be okay. Yes you will reader i truly believe you will. Yet i need to ask this hard question,what happens when the hype and noise quiets and life gets busy again when everyone is engrossed with the busyness of life? Unless you give yourself room to feel these emotions and cry out for help nothing really changes. They always find a way to follow you wherever you go.

Wail your heart out cry until there are no more tears left to shed. God says tell my people i am tired of their victory prayers that don't match the state of their heart. Tell my children i am not the world i am God i don't need perfection i only need them to come to me. Tell them to come broken tattered angry questioning me tell them to just come...tell them its okay i see them that i have never left them even for one second....even when they thought it was over my spirit was over them no weapon formed against them could prosper. Tell them i don't want the celebratory of winning a tough year i want intimacy with them. I want them to come apart i came to heal the brokenhearted and i didn't heal you to release you to the world. I am life i healed you because you are mine and you are precious in my eyes highly honoured. Tell them to open their dark closet and let me in. Tell them it's okay if they do not believe all i want is a dare of faith...let them dare me and see what i can do for them. Tell them to let down their guard for it is not protecting them but breaking them down. Tell them I don't want to just be the God they reference in prayer but a dad a best friend a companion.This world has nothing good for them it never did i am the only one who is good. Tell them when i touch them they will never be the same again i will do exceedingly abundantly above all they could ever ask or imagine.

Tell them I am the holy one of Israel and if only they believe I am their God nothing could ever separate us. Tell them it's okay to wail to cry to be messy and have nothing. Tell them i have a heart and I feel as they do i hate to see them broken or grieved. Tell them i am the way the light in the dark tunnel. Tell them it's okay if they don't know how they will get through 2025 and every other year to come,how they will live when they want to die,where their next meal will come from...tell them its okay because its not them but I who will cover them who will provide for them who will be made perfect in their weakness. Is anything too hard for me? When they have no one to call and open their hearts to tell them of a name called Jesus. Tell them he is one call away. Tell them to let it out to not store it and carry it that i will carry the weight from their shoulders the same way i carried the cross of their sins to calvary and died for them. Tell them it didn't stop there no i rose again and defeated even death to show them i have all the power all the might and if the spirit that rose me from the dead lives in you don't you believe i love you that i have saved you that i want you for myself and my desire is for you not to perish but to spend eternity with me. Dear child eternity starts now today with you in my arms...open your heart to me do not shut me out do not numb it away i want it all you are my beloved i have dealt bountifully with you. I will give you life and life abundantly for my promises are yes and Amen. Isn't our God good?

Who is man that thou art mindful of him? May our souls not remain in darkness but go to him who is able to save us and lift us up with his victorious right hand. May our praise go to him may our laments and deep cries be heard by him who is sitted on the throne interceding for us daily before our father. May our prayers and questions never go unheard. May his face shine upon us and give us peace that passes all understanding. May we know he is good for he is holy. Cry to him daughter of God cry to him son of God he hears you and he wants us to let him in. This breeds intimacy that knows no bounds. May we know truly he is enough that this is enough. I pray for you dear saint pray for me too and may the joy of the Lord be made full in us. May he keep us under his wings may he send his angels to watch us lest we dash our feet against a stone. May he protect us and lead us through the right path. I say this again he is enough and will always be enough. May he go with you in 2025 and preserve you,may no harm come upon your house and loved ones may your lips only sing of his goodness and even in sorrow and despair may your heart truly know that that too is acceptable and highly wanted by God. Your vulnerability means so much to him try him and see that he is good. I am only here because i dared to and i keep daring everyday because nothing else tastes better. Above all i hope no stone is left unturned no emotions is left as baggage nothing is hidden in the deepest of our hearts. Let it go let it out it matters. Talk to him...i am one call away if you need someone to talk to but Jesus Christ is already at your door knocking dare to open and see for yourself that he is good. He is our only hope the way the truth and the life. He hears you he can't wait to show you just how much. Peace and blessings 🩶

Can i say lately the name Yeshua sounds so sweet and heavenly. This name gives me so much peace. It's Jesus Hebrew name and I don't know why but lately my heart leaps with joy when i hear it. Merry Christmas Christ is born to us❤️❤️