THE WILD DRIVE

Ah it’s a beautiful night...it’s raining and the water is so cold on my skin. I should run back home and stay warm, not like I enjoy being rained on anyway. It's cold the air is freezing yet there is something unique about this night... something wild and beautiful, it’s calling out my name. I can hear it I can feel the trees whisper as they sway side to side. This is a night meant for a drive. I am indeed crazy but i can't look away. How can I? My skin is freezing from the cold but my soul is fiery. The night is a contradiction of so many conflicting emotions. The reasonable truth is for me to go back to my parent's house and remain warm. That's the reasonable truth but the wild truth is I want to go for a drive...somewhere far...somewhere unknown, I want to drive through the night rain and see what's out there calling my name loudly.

One would think I had the sense to dress warmly before heading for the truck. I didn't, I took my car keys and headed straight for the garage. I thought it would be fun, I could feel the adrenaline race through my veins as I jumped in. It was going to be a wild unforgettable night and I am glad to unveil the wonders hidden in it! That's what wild girls do, they go for the wild and grab it by the neck. We love when things don't make sense, don’t we? As I sit in my car, I feel a presence, as if someone is sitting beside me but when I look around am all alone. I shrug the weird feeling away and start the old truck I loved with all my heart. As the engine rolls back to life I put my music on and whistle as I drive out of our compound. The night chill was strong but not as strong as the adrenaline rushing through my body. I was high on it...so high I decided to drive a route I had never tried before.

Surely the woody road would make the perfect solo road trip, I thought to myself. It would be fantastic...it is long the road is not all tarmac but the view has always been amazing...not that it matters. I haven't been there since I was a kid, I can barely remember it. Behold, there is a first to everything and today; this marvelous night would be my first trip back. Thank heavens I was out when it started raining. The thoughts come to a standstill when I feel the presence in my truck again...a feeling that I am not alone. I continue driving getting to the roundabout and taking the road less travelled by people in our neighborhood. The uneasy feeling in my gut makes me increase the radio's volume to distract myself as I drive and it sure does distract me. The road was not as bad as I had earlier thought. My truck was doing pretty well I was having a blast. I wished I had taken some alcohol with me though, just a little bit to give me some extra boost of energy but its fine. I hear the owls and the birds chirping in the night as I drive and the cold air on my skin. The night was still and the road was crystal clear. My truck was the only car visible and this should be frightening. A girl, driving alone in a deserted road at night is super dangerous, my thoughts whisper to me the different scenarios on how this night could end fatally and this makes the hairs of my skin rise up but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop I wanted to drive on. I desired to see just how far I could go and if my adrenaline was the only thing patting my back then so be it...if death was on the other side I will take it with both hands I only hoped the body would come back to my family. That's the thing though, once the anxious thoughts start coming in uninvited, we've got to play it out. It's survival...I don't want to survive this night I want to thrive and have a blast. That's what I will do.

My God the night is beautiful and captivating I love every minute of it but as I drive towards what seems like an end, I see the road parting into two. Wait a minute? I don't remember this, the road seemed straight. For a minute I am confused, I want to reverse and go back home...you know, call it a night but that's the sane decision to make...not the fun one. The fun decision would be to pick one of the roads and move with it...see where it leads. The problem is I don't know which road that is. The darkness doesn't help too...I should choose the tarmacked road it's easier driving. The other one seemed less travelled no wonder it was murram. Having made a definite decision, I shift gears ready to take the tarmac road but a voice whispers 'take the rough road, it’s good for you' the hair on my skin rise again not from the cold but with terror and fear. I look back carefully to see the figure, I knew he had to be at the back seat of my truck but I see nobody. The fear gets stronger and suddenly I want to go back home where I am safe and well secured. That's the best decision to make afterall. The ghosts’ story must have been true then; there is a ghost in my truck! I could feel the sweat at the back of my neck and I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. The fear was mixed with a new desire...to take the rough road. Somewhere in my heart, the desire took root and became stronger as the minutes went by. I knew with no shadow of doubt I was mad but sometimes it’s okay to be mad. I changed route and took the rough murram road. It was narrow and bushy...it truly looked like a forest road with so many bumps and potholes...I felt sorry for my truck, she should be at home well parked and clean yet here she was...getting dirty and beaten up. I love you though, I say to her.

This decision had started out full of excitement and fun but now it was hard work driving through a rough road. My hands were sweating despite the cold because of the fear of the unknown. The road was so bushy narrow and rough. I hit bumps as I drove and every single time I hit one my heart bled for my beautiful truck. My parents will be looking for me when they notice I am not around. I should reverse and go back home this was a bad idea. The night deceived me; there was nothing good out here calling my name…just rough bushy roads that are pissing me off. What was I thinking? Why did I take this road in the first place, there are so many beautiful roads in our neighborhood, roads that are full of people restaurants and parking spots where I would have grabbed a beer and French fries. Why am I remembering all this now, well probably because I am stupid and make bad decisions every chance I get. This is the part where I remember the only way I will get back home is by turning back and returning. That’s the only way. Home is safety, home is full of peace and comfort. Home is where I need to be. This cold night needed my warm bed not a wild trip. I feel a pang in my heart when I remember just how warm my bed is. Yeah, I should go back… I should really go back and wrap this crazy hell of a night up. As this thought takes residence, I feel the wrestle in my heart when there is still a desire to not relent but go on no matter what. “The destination is beautiful trust me” I hear the voice tell me again and this time it is louder than all my conflicting thoughts. I knew with no shadow of doubt there was a presence in my truck. I was not alone, there was someone in the truck with me and since the road trip is already spoilt, I might as well confront it and get done with it. I am already scared, frightened and wary of this night… adding ghostly voices in my head is the last thing I need. I ask loudly who is it in my truck and what it wants. I hear nothing back…just pin drop silence. I had already stopped driving and was staring at the rear-view mirror hoping to see a shadow of something moving at least. Am I crazy? No, I am not this is real someone is in the truck with me… I feel a presence with me but funny enough I don’t feel scared by it… I feel scared by the fact I don’t know what it is. I just need to know who it is. I ask again who is in the truck with me and this time round I get an answer… “I am He.”

I am taken aback by the fact the person responded but I get around quickly when I realize that was not an answer… well at least he has confirmed I am not crazy to think there is someone in the truck with me. I wondered what sort of dumb answer was that, he never gave me a name and as if the presence could hear my thoughts he responded again this time with humor in his voice. “Drive along my child it is well.” Okay now I know the presence is not only male but probably an older male who thinks I am his child. Well, that sure does signifies safety…no harm from it, I guess. I start driving again and turn the music even louder to refrain myself from thinking about him. The road was getting steeper and rougher. My hands were tired from the drive but I felt strong to continue and see where it led. I was mad at myself for driving out instead of going to bed. I sigh with regret and ask the presence in my truck how long it will take to get to the end of the road. There has to be an end to this nightmare my head is aching, oh God; I will need fuel at some point, Oh God, dear God. My heart sinks when this new reality hits me like a hot slap. Yes I have a full tank on but I don’t know how long I will be here. What if the truck stops moving its old with frequent trips to my mechanic John. He will scold me for this night I know he will. I am yet to pay for my last service I can’t afford to take her back just yet with another problem. That involves money I don’t have… what if I am attacked by a wild animal?? this road sure has some… I am a walking corpse and danger is lurking all round. My mind gets more anxious as I drive and I try to sing along to my now favorite song playing on the radio but my voice is too shaky. With every pothole there goes my heart and the last of my strength and confidence. My parents are now worried sick… I need to normalize thinking about other people before making a decision… at least they would have saved me from coming to this God-forsaken stupid road.

“Will you trust me and keep driving or curse yourself to nothing?” The voice whispers. I look back quickly surprised he could sense my fear and turned back to the road. Okay, since I am scared stiff and he is the comfortable passenger riding along, let me talk with him. “Who are you and what are you doing in my truck, are you a stalker or a dead ghost who refuses to leave the living… which one is it” He laughs softly and I can’t help laughing too thinking I am going crazy. I am hearing a voice with no presence this is crazy. “I am He who brought you here, trust me” He responds. Why does he keep saying I am He with no name who is he? Why should I trust him when I don’t know him. Anyway, since he looks like he is used to helping lost children and knows this road I can use him to go back. “Okay I don’t trust you but here is the deal, help me get out of this mess and I will pretend you exist.”

He chuckles and tells me going back is a longer and more dangerous road than driving ahead. The road is narrow and rough just for a little while. Oh wow! just wow! I exhale loudly as my truck hits another pothole and the road takes a corner. The branches on the side scratch my windows as I take the corner and I am convinced tomorrow one look at my truck will have me in a hospital bed. What exactly did I get myself to? The voice in my truck tells me to slow down and reduce my speed as I climb up another hill…  I obey him silently and drive up with a little ease than the first hill.

Oh Catherine, when will you ever learn to make safe decisions? You are no longer a teenager to rely heavily on some adrenaline rush. Look where it has gotten you this time round. The voices in my head remind me clearly the number of bad decisions I have made in the past. I guess this is why my life turned out like this. The thoughts are sobering yet shameful. I can’t help feeling bad for my parents who are worried sick wondering where their girl is. I drive slowly trying to distract myself from these thoughts, I keep wondering how an exciting decision couple of hours ago turned out this way. Why? I just wanted to have a good time that’s all. Oh God...

“If the thoughts are against you, they are not for you, keep driving, don’t let them hinder you from what’s waiting for you up this hill. Keep going.” He says to me… this weird man in my truck who refuses to tell me his name. I chuckle a little because it’s funny and weird at the same time. He is weird and yet I feel safe with him. Why? I don’t know… but since he is here and can somehow read my thoughts let me ask him what’s up there. He doesn’t reply to this question but urges me to keep driving. Will I be able to go back home? That’s my question. I need to be back home, in my bed, watching a movie or scrolling through TikTok and YouTube. I need to go to work tomorrow morning! Why am I just thinking about that now!!! I gaze quickly at my wrist watch and it’s past 10 o’clock. The road is still steep and the rain has slowed down to a drizzle; I could feel the groaning of my truck. Before long, I get to the top of the hill and my oh my…what a sight. Down the hill I could see the whole land flat, a clear view of the neighborhood with its many lights and houses. I have never seen this view before. It looks lovely with the stars in the sky and the full moon. I climb out of my truck excitingly taking my phone with me ready to snap some amazing shots. The fear I had felt driving up here leaves my body and I stare ahead with so much wonder and awe.

What a beautiful sight, the soft rain drops soak my hair and clothes but it couldn’t take away the peace and tranquility I felt standing here at the edge of a steep hill staring at my hometown. This is beautiful. I am glad I get to call this place home. I could hear the birds and insects chirping from the bush around me. My feet were already soiled up and I could feel the presence from my truck now beside me. Maybe he was gazing down just like me. Who knows?

“So, you knew this is where it led, huh?” I ask him, now feeling quite comfortable around him. He chuckles and tells me sometimes the bushy unknown roads lead to the most beautiful and breathtaking destinations. “Not many people from your hometown get to see this view because they take the normal roads but you my child carry a different spirit. Your soul yearns for the wild and I knew this was the road for you. This is where you belong. Away from what’s normal, safe or secure, you are called to the wild and I am with you every single time.” His words bring tears to my face. I couldn’t help crying as my childhood and adulthood flash before me. “Is this why I have never truly belonged no matter how much I tried, is this why I keep making decisions that seem reckless to everyone else but me, is this why I am drawn to the deep…is this why my life half of the time never makes sense even to me. It is tiring and heartbreaking to feel rejected, to feel alone and isolated. I want company with people like me. I want someone who can understand me even before I say any word because they get it. I want to belong.” I don’t know how we got here, me opening up to a complete stranger I can’t even see yet his words make me come undone. He says, “Now you do. You belong to me. That is why you couldn’t belong anywhere else. You were always set apart for me and this is where you belong. You are mine and I am yours; you now have me to cry and laugh with. I will always know what’s up with you before you utter any word and my arms will be wide open waiting for you when you need a hug. You belong here with me. Always know that.”

I stare ahead trying to compose myself still wondering who is this man and how does he know me so well. “Okay buddy since we are here together, I think you are my best friend now. I just need one favor. Show me your face so that I can attach the voice to a face. Also please tell me your name…please. I need to know I am not crazy and this is not a dream.” He chuckles again and suddenly I feel a strong hand holding my right hand, my whole body shakes and it feels like fire consuming me. He tells me to look ahead into the air; a bright light will pass in front of me. The light is him. I stare ahead and in a split second a bright light flashes in front of me and I fall down as if dead trembling with fear. He doesn’t let go of my hand but holds it tightly. “Fear not for I am with you, I am Jesus Christ your savior. Adonai is my name.”

I don’t remember how I got up from the ground but my feet found strength to stand. With his hand still holding mine, he leads me back to the truck and tells me to go back home. He will be with me. I sit down still gazing, trying to recollect what just happened. I feel different though, like something else has consumed me. Like I carry his presence now with me. I don’t have to look for it. He is now in me and with me. “Okay buddy let’s go home!”

The wild drive wasn’t wild afterall… It was a divine trip back home. To my savior, to my Lord and to myself. Where my soul truly belongs.