The Gift of Salvation

 Dear reader...

Its hard out here really hard extremely hard... everything is hard and lately loving Christ seemed hard for me too. You know i wanted to write something inspiring something that will speak life not death not even a shadow of it. I wanted to ignite hope to be full of faith when i speak about him who matters most to me,Jesus Christ...i wanted to tell the gospel to write about him tell the world about his word which is living and active...i promise you since my eyes were opened to understand what this word is what it means and who it is...my whole being was shaken now all i want to do is talk about Jesus Jesus Jesus and spread the gospel of peace...in fact that was the title of the article i was working on till i wasn't working on it anymore.

The things i wanted to speak about write and tell the world didn't match the words written in my heart the anguish in my mind i was unsettled, i just wasn't on fire for God i longed to be i felt distracted and it broke my heart...it broke my heart that the one thing i loved most felt like the same thing i was losing the desire for...i love spending time with God sitting with his word and reading laughing with him opening up to him until nothing was left unsaid...i loved and cherished this time only now it felt like a chore...like he was not there...his word was i could feel it to my bones but what about the fire that first consumed me?the glory that took me to another level?a level where I am too aware of his presence,deeply lost in him nothing else can quench this thirst nothing can even make me smile genuinely nothing can give me joy if he is not part of it...

And i cried to him i prayed i begged him for another taste of this glory to hear his voice one more time calming the storm that is in me to remind me the gift of salvation that he gave me through his son Jesus Christ to remind me that i am his and he has dealt bountifully with me hence i can rejoice...his word shows me am not the only person who has gone through this mental and spiritual breakdown... Job did David did Elijah did and God came to them at the eleventh hour i believed he would come to me too...and he did only this time through his word and prayer...i felt God was calling me to another level of glory building my capacity for this level to go deeper with him and know him more than i thought i ever did...and i had to be taken through fire to step in this level.

That's what i thought because every time i prayed he came to me though not in a way i wanted or desired but in a way i was required to surrender my intelligence and be still...in a way i had to be decreased in a way i wouldn't know if i chose to lead instead of letting him lead me...and i guess am finding out he wants me lost in scripture he wants me neck deep in his word...he is saying if you want me Catherine come to me search my heart you know my word is living and i am alive you know my word is sharper than a two edged sword you know i am the word i am the voice that is the word hence you know too much about me to live the way you live come to me seek me and you will find me.

Its been hard and tough...i felt i lost the desire to spend time with him which in turn made me feel guilty about it, i only wanted to write about hope Jesus faith and everything inspiring...it was nice true and happy but I couldn't find the language to put it down it felt unreal forced even...how can i write about hope and faith when my heart is full of sorrow and sadness...let me tell you something the problem with God giving you something or a duty you are not qualified for is you can't do it outside him,if he called you to do it,the only way you will be able to operate is through obedience and surrender...your intelligence won't do it not even your knowledge of the word its either the spirit of God or nothing...that i never knew...and i know we say this like its a cute motivation quote,God will call you to do what your not qualified.. there is nothing cute about that nothing pretty about that we wonder why Moses lost his temper with the Israelites every time they rebelled and complained to him we wonder why Elijah ran for his life after breathing the fire of God down from heaven pleading with God to take his life we wonder why Paul wrote the greatest letters spread the gospel in so many places to so many gentiles yet did it in suffering why David the great king cried in anguish asking God how long he will hide his face from him...we see it through scripture through every one who chose to obey God and surrender...it takes putting ourselves to death and follow him it takes knowing trusting and accepting it is not us who live again but Christ who lives in us...there is nothing cute about obedience am sorry to burst your bubble obedience takes surrender and in everything God calls you to do,it will take surrender to walk in your calling...it is him you will go to,this urge will burn you oh yes it will...this hunger this longing this desire to do it will burn your heart yet the only way you will get it done is searching his heart going to him sitting on his feet and have your eyes on him...i say this again obeying God is not cute the other side of obedience is beautiful and glorious but the only way we will experience the glory of God is through the posture of surrender and when i speak of posture i speak of our hearts.

You will remember the best thing he gave you was the gift of salvation...Jesus Christ...hence when he called you he called you to be made like him who now lives in you,to be sanctified that you may be glorified with him,that when you do the works he commands you, it will not be the works that will keep you going no baby works entail suffering works entail warfare works entail testing tribulations distress isolation works entail you to be taken from one level of glory to another to go through fire yet still stand but its not the works that will keep you going when the calling gets tough its Jesus Christ.Your revelation about him which will only come through surrender to him.He will build your love and devotion for him one brick after another...he should be the one who matters most to us yes he should, him who died that i may experience resurrection with him when i too put my flesh sinful flesh to death yes he is the one who should matter most even a picture of the cross or the empty tomb should make our knees tremble with wonder and deep joy for what he did...this revelation, his life on this earth should give us the strength to take our cross too.

Do you not see how God chose his only son who is in him God to become man to be made flesh too..this sinful flesh which fell in Eden this body which is torn between the law of righteousness good and just and the law of sin and death this sinful flesh where we were only destined for destruction yet him,holy as he is righteous good, nothing about him is bad or evil he is holy holy holy. He was wrapped in this sinful flesh took this body became man came down to live amongst us not like a king yet he is king he took no status he came as a carpenter's son submitted to the law of the land when he is law the new eternal covenant he is the beginning and the end submitted to a land he created hidden for thirty years denied by his own people was tempted too he was hungry and thirsty when he is the living well he too cried to his father when the cup got bitter he suffered was spat on ridiculed.I always imagine God saw it all watched his beloved son suffer in the hands of a creation he created submitted under them... how did he feel how must it have hurt his heart...

Well i know for sure God understands our emotions our grief our broken hearts he is not a God who can't relate he can he feels as we feel he hurts when we hurt he sees us all of us bare,nothing is hidden from him he knows us so well as we were made from his own image and likeness we mirror him,at our core its him...we are his always have been even when we fell....and all this he went through so that we may be saved it wasn't about him it was about us, humanity...he is holy he is good he is righteous but we are not we fell and the only way we could have been redeemed is through him who was holy,pure without blemish just like his father. He became the lamb to be slain the son of God had to be put to death so that his blood would become the atonement for our sins would wash and redeem us.. so that through him and in him we could stand in front of our father holy too like his son pure without blemish...a fallen creation was given a second and final chance with God eternally...and then on the third day he rose from the dead.

He defeated death he now holds the key,the world and everything in it was now put under his authority. John 12:31-33 Now is the judgement of this world,now shall the ruler of this world be cast out and I when I am lifted up from the earth,will draw all men to myself . He said this to show by what death he was to die. Okay catch this,before he was crucified he was under the authority of this world a fallen creation which was separated from God which means and that moment Jesus too was separated from God he took the sins of this world he became sin he was under the same authority that had taken man captive the law of sin and death...when he was crucified he cried to God asking him why he had forsaken him because he knew he too had been separated from God at the cross,he took the sins of the people and when he died he didn't stay dead because death was our wage for the sins he had carried on the cross,death spiritually is separation from God and on that cross he had been separated from God. This is the most heart breaking part of this beautiful mystery,the trinity God the father God the son God the holy spirit is seen at work from the conception of Jesus Christ to his crucifixion and resurrection.There is nothing i crave so much like to understand and unpack this mystery because its so deep so deep it intimidates and makes me want to cry at the same time,...anyway he didn't stay dead he rose because he is the resurrection and the life he couldn't stay dead he only had to defeat death, condemn sin in the flesh so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to the flesh but according to the spirit (Romans 8). He reconciled us with our father by putting to death sin and rising on the third day....this is our victory song if you don't believe Jesus is the only way the truth and the life please remember he didn't stay dead because he is life the resurrection he rose with victory in his hands now the whole world and everything in it was put under his authority so when Paul says he is sure that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor things present or things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord yes he is sure because this is the truth nothing can. In all this things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Just take your Bible and read Romans 8 i believe and i pray God may open your eyes and heart to receive this gift of salvation I know he will reveal himself to you.

He defeated everything that could stand between us and him. Everything on this earth and in heaven is now submitted to him and his judgement, isn't our God powerful?...everything bows to him everything even the devil knows what the resurrection of Jesus Christ meant oh he does he knows his time is short...he rose with power in his hands with victory he rules eternally he is now sitting at the right hand of the father he saved us not even death can separate us we are his forever...if only we say yes to him yes to him today if only we say God thank you i now see this was done for me just me.You saw me when you were on that cross you saw my ruggedy self and you said it is finished you saw and desired to spend eternity with me you wanted to have me you never saw the 99 you saw me you pursued me i was worthy of the bitter cup you had to drink from i was worthy all the suffering you went through the pain of being separated from God on that cross and now i accept this gift of salvation that you have given me so freely so lovingly I didn't ask for it...you chose me when i didn't choose you loved me when i didnt care about you the scars in your hands prove this unconditional overflowing love you have for me the cross does Jesus,now i want to make you my Lord and saviour i have seen life is in you and apart from you nothing is living it is death...come into my heart i say yes to you...this is salvation i call it the gift of salvation because for me it's a gift...and i receive it with open arms...the devil will burn he sure will because we are saved. Praise be to Jesus Christ and glory to our God forever and ever Amen!

Now that...i didn't plan to write all that,just wow holy spirit...i just wanted to speak on surrender or did i?i was on how i wished and desired to write something inspiring and full of faith yet my heart was in a totally different place...i didn't have the desire to spend time with God and i was full of sorrow deep sorrow about it...I couldn't write even my personal notes and God told me well i felt it in my heart that i wanted to write about hope faith the gospel and not write about the anguish or the sorrow in my heart and where i am at this moment. The stressful nights when i am questioning where i may be going wrong when am doubting the love of God when i am convinced the enemy has prevailed in making me small and there is no way God would use someone like me...i don't go to him anymore i dont want him anymore i lacked the desire the shame was a dark cloud lurking over my mind and it felt like i was sinking slowly and surely...writing felt like a bully too how can i possibly write about hope and faith when i need to be reminded about it myself.

I couldn't,he showed me i needed to come as i am write what is authentic and true to what is going on in me i need to let go of this need to be perfect for him this need to always be on fire so that i can write and believe even in the smoke he is still God and still present he is with me in everything and just because i don't feel it doesn't make it untrue he is with me and with you too reader...in every season he is here unchangeable always the same he is here with us. Peace.