The Secret Place

If I keep waiting for the perfect words to write this article I may never write it....how can I when the perfect words may never be found,I can't even fathom them...if am honest my mind is a messy place,like a wild fire...am trying to remain calm to get my control back but the little guy is so rebellious to be put in a box...I want to have the good thoughts always,I want to think of myself as highly as God does I want to remain positive in all situations to always have the right answers to combat the enemy's lies with the truth of God I want to be perfect for me...I don't want to struggle mentally I want to write passionately to pour out my mind and heart with no restrictions whosoever,to let the spirit of God take over my gift and I want to feel when it does...yet I can't fail to recognize that if I was perfect if everything about me was perfect if I didn't have the highs and lows ups and downs if I didn't have any struggle of my own,how could i possibly recognize the hand of God in my life,how will I see that it is by grace I am saved that i didn't earn it lest I boast..how can I fully understand the concept of freedom that his son died to give me if I don't know what bondage feels like...how will I know his power and know it for my myself,how will I experience him...how can I ask for his glory when am not sure i can bear its weight by my own strength and works...if its true he is sanctifying  me to be like him then maybe I will know this to be true when he keeps making room for my imperfections to meet his perfection and yes it's messy yes it's making me so vulnerable just like Job am terrified of his presence I think I am hemmed in by darkness yet anytime I think the darkness will swallow me and take me away he tells me I know of a secret place...a place no one knows but me...a place where it's only me and you...

I love secret places,places where I can be alone and be who I am away from the limits of the society,limits from within...I love places that make me feel free and just me...like the winds of the ocean...i love who I am when am alone but if am honest sometimes am alone but not really alone... especially when anxious thoughts doubts or worry overtake my mind...I have this huge love for Job i plan on reading the entire book someday his like my best friend...when you read about him,you can see he didnt just struggle physically but mentally too...one thing i love about David and Job is they are really expressive...he went through alot I mean I don't think I could bear the pain if it was me but this man never turned away from God he never cursed him  in fact he brought all his questions all his arguments sorrows and pain to him...he even longed to see him...in Job 23 verse 8 he said he looked everywhere but couldnt find him but he knew the way that he took and when he was done trying him he shall come forth as gold...I won't dive deeper into it but you can always read it...this verse took me through the better part of last year i had to bring it along this year...I love it with all my heart and it always speaks to me,i was also far from understanding some parts in that word,anytime i read it I kept asking myself what did Job mean when he said this,what was going through his mind...I love reading so much and anytime am reading something i want to know the emotions and thoughts of the character i love connecting with words wholly...i love losing myself to a book...

Just awesome and while am writing this there is an urge to remind you guys that the Bible the word of God is the most powerful book...we live in a world of information overload especially social media,everyone got something to say an opinion on something...if I dont feel like reading my Bible i can always find short verses to read as i go through my day devotional books podcasts that simplify the Bible for me...I don't have time to read it but am stil seeking the Lord and I know he appreciates my baby steps...that's what we say to ourselves well that's what I say when am lazy to read my Bible and spend time with Jesus... sometimes I read it in a hurry to watch a movie or something fun and even though we know it's the right thing to do our minds are not used to sitting still in quietness and boredom.
Quite often its not even the enemy making us not read our word and spend time with God,our flesh is just rebellious especially our minds due to our inability to remain still. When we read our word and not understand what's written or connect with it we give up doing it for ourselves and want other people to break it down for us maybe it's a spiritual gift and I don't have it...truth is if we don't read our word the world will corrupt your mind the information out here is too much and our lovely mind needs to break it down so when it's in excess it leaves us confused on what's right and wrong we end up being lukewarm Christians and believers we end up exposing ourselves raw and vulnerable to seeds of deception from the enemy...we create room in our hearts and minds for weeds to be planted which end up choking the true vines of God...there is no spiritual gift needed to read our Bible you can listen to the podcasts and read devotional books all you want you can read my articles as frequently as you want to but baby the true essence is spending time with God soaking in his word letting him fill you creating room for you and him alone in a secret place letting him reveal himself to you and drawing you closer to him when he does... everything else is nice when you do so...it feels nice to listen to that podcast or devotional book when you have your secret place with God because then it becomes a community...God puts us into community to help us connect and grow our faith...as human beings we need it and he knows it because he created us that way to not be self reliant and sufficient...but this does not substitute the fact he is the living well and when we drink from it we will never run thirsty
This article has taken a turnaround from what I thought I would write...not that I had a clear picture of it anyway but since we are here I can as well let you in on my personal struggles when reading my Bible...I really get distracted and lazy and this has affected my writing because I wasn't really spending time with God,I write not just articles but my personal notes too and it decreased to a point my note app was no longer my favourite app on my home tab...I really wanted to go back to that routine but the shame of not doing so started eating me up i felt bad...really really bad...can we talk on how the enemy uses shame to distract us or get us away from seeking God?I will definitely write about it in my next article...i felt i no longer hungered or yearned to spend time with God and when i did it felt forced like i was doing it by my own strength when i read my Bible i didn't even understand what i was reading I didn't feel present mentally...I think it was one of my new year resolutions probably why i kept pushing on despite how I felt...I felt something was wrong with me like God is not happy with me...why is reading my Bible such a daunting task i should be feeling equipped when reading not empty I should feel spiritually and mentally strong after reading but that is not the case...writing became harder and harder as the days went by...worship music was not hitting the right spot...nothing I love doing was making it better...I just prayed about it and asked God to help me...you see the first paragraph of this article is exactly what God told me a while back this month...I don't want you to be perfect for me,your imperfections create room for me,when you keep trying to do things by your own strength you will be left empty and distraught when you read my word based on your own understanding you will go away empty...my word was written in the spirit and my purpose and will is for my children to be drawn to me and to seek me so that i can open their minds to understand my word my word is nothing of this world yet was written for this world that you may not be deceived that you may know and understand this things...that you may know the God you worship who reigned before this world was formed and knows the end from the beginning...when you try to do things on your own you will fail but when you seek me and surrender I will lead your path and make myself known to you...seek me and my righteousness and everything else will come from me...

This is my favourite verse in the Bible because it reminds me the secret place is dwelling in God and when I seek him I will find him...when I try to be perfect for myself and him I lose because God looks at our heart and he wants us to know him he wants us to worship him in truth and in spirit not to tick something off our bucket list or think of ourselves highly than we ought to because in our eyes we think we are doing everything right...not to be self righteous or make us feel good about the day or ourselves..my joy is in believing that God can and will mould us to take our eyes from ourselves and place them on him that we can get to a place where we seek him not for the things he is able to do for us not to turn our situations around but seek him in holiness and righteousness to desire to be like him who died for us...to seek his heart.

The more I write this the more I am understanding what a secret place is...a secret place is a place where I am decreased to be a child for God to be increased in me,a secret place is a place where I am pruned and sanctified a secret place is a place where God is opening my mind and heart to know him,where I am submitted to him not his plan or will for me but him...a secret place is a place where I am sitting on his feet in surrender in hope and in faith that he is doing a good work for me and in me...maybe then it's in that secret place where I will be spirit filled to learn his word for me,to spend time with him...in truth with no personal desires or interests...a place my imperfections flaws and fears are welcomed too...where my humanity meets his divinity...a place I will want to go till I breathe my last... because I will know and know for myself that my God is alive and he reigns...that my God truly loves me that truly he cares deeply for me if my relationship with him means more to him than anything else...that he really wants me.