Where Feet may Fail...

 "You called me out upon the waters,the great unknown where feet may fail...and there I find you in the mystery,in oceans deep,my faith will stand...and I will call upon your name...Jesus,you keep my eyes above the waves in ocean deep,my soul will rest in your embrace,I am yours and you are mine. Your grace abounds in deepest waters,your sovereign hand will be my guide,where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, you've never failed and you won't start now"

I think I will start by quoting this song,this beautiful worship song,it's called oceans by Hillsong united...maybe you've heard it,it's such a beautiful song I have heard it so many times before,infact many times I could probably sing it subconsciously,but for some reason this song has been instrumental for me this year,every word every line just comes alive everytime I sing it,am actually listening to it right now as I write,for the third time and it still makes me want to cry,infact I was crying before I took my notepad but yeah that's besides the point...when she sings, -Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,let me walk upon the waters, wherever you will call me,take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder,and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my saviour - it takes me back to things I have done,things I never thought I could do,things I didn't know was in me,things am still doing not knowing how I should do it,things am so dependent on God to do every single day because on my own frankly I can't,it reminds me of the person I am becoming gradually and steadily,it takes me to when I started my healing journey it takes me to spaces I never thought It was possible to come out from...I don't know about you but I have seen how God can take you from dark places to his light,to his embrace...and he will draw you closer to him everyday.

Maybe your wondering why I started by quoting the song,I don't know,I was listening to it and it was so heavy in my heart I had to write it down...last week I wrote a little bit concerning faith...and I know you may be wondering how do I go to that place of trusting and having faith in God's words...I want to but my heart has been disappointed so many times by people, by life situations, by God I don't know how I can trust him,nothing ever seems to go as I desire,I don't know if he listens to me,I don't know if he hears me at all...well I have gone through the same emotions,am still learning to trust the heart of God for me if am honest because everyday am learning something new, something I didn't know the previous day,many times when we start knowing God personally and intimately,life seems to become harder,in fact God will show us things he wants us to do or take us in places that seem like a wilderness...so dry...and we can't help asking him God what is this,I thought the more I got close to you,the more I knew you, life would become simpler and easier,linear,why does it feel like am being ripped apart,like am being transformed to someone I don't know,why do I feel alone like no one understands me,why is life this hard for me,I don't like it...and when I was listening to this song...he calls us out upon the water,truth is the water is still water,it won't turn solid ground to make it easy comfortable or familiar for us nor will the waves calm down...yet he will still call us upon the water,he knows our feet may fail he knows we don't know how to do this,and yet he does it because at the end of the day he wants to have a relationship with you,a deep intimate relationship and what's a relationship without trust,what's a relationship without trust in our God,trust that has no borders,God says I want your trust to have no borders,I want you to trust me like a child,trust my heart for you...I don't know if you're like me but sometimes I say I trust you God I trust you God but when situations become hard for me,It quickly changes to I trust you God but why this,why do I have to go through this,I trust you,you know I trust you but please take this away from me...and God told me your trust in me is limited,it is not firm and childlike it has walls,it limits how I can move in your life...and It shifted my perspective,in that moment I remembered when he called me on the waters,he called me with one purpose and one purpose alone,he never called me to frighten me, to show me how he can perform miracles for me yes he can but he called me to build my trust in him to build my dependence in him,to remove the limits from my trust of him,to build my knowledge and understanding of him,his heart,he said how would you trust me if you do not know me personally,know my heart, If I don't put you in situations where you're left with no other choice except that,where everything looks foreign and alien and I will be your only source of strength and power,my presence will surround you,my spirit will fill you up, I will be there in the waters with you and you will grow in your understanding of me,I am doing this because I want your faith in me to be made stronger and firm...I want you to trust my will for your life,I want your submission and obedience to come from a place of trust, trust in me,I want you to trust that yes your feet may fail yes life will be hard yes not everything will go as you had planned yes you may go through suffering and yet you will not drown you will not sink you will walk on water and do what I called you to do because I am in the waters with you,my sovereign hand will be your guide,I just want you to trust me,trust my will is perfect my plan for you is perfect...

Faith is trusting what our eyes have not yet seen but our hearts have seen and believed...and do you know where our faith is made stronger,where the mustard seed is grown,it's in the waters,in the valleys,in the mountains,in the wilderness..it's everywhere we wonder how God is moving,how we will get through the day,how the bills will get paid,how the dreams will be achieved,how my deepest heart longings will be met,how I will not sink or drown in this depression or stress,how I will tap into the peace and joy of the Lord...those are the places our faith is made stronger and firmer,where our trust has no borders... because we understand our feet may fail us,we understand how mortal we are that in our own dependence,we will be frustrated and angry...

I think the faith journey,God growing our faith and trust in him is the most uncomfortable thing, because frankly for me,it has made me so vulnerable so raw it has made me have to let go of control,it has made me come out of my own way because yeah sometimes we are the ones blocking his way,it has made me trust him in seasons I felt I had no strength to go through...I remember back in school,i was in the car and let me tell you,I was stressed,so stressed I didn't get sick and I normally get sick when travelling but the stress overpowered it y'all...I kept thinking about so many things,how I would move and frankly survive...I didn't care about living I just wanted to survive because at that point living seemed like a grand dream out of human reach,I was so accustomed to worrying about everything,to relying on myself,being alone...anyway I hate crying,have you ever been so stressed to a point tears start flowing uncontrollably in a public vehicle!well I remember crying in the car silently hoping the person next to me wouldn't hear my silent sobs...to avoid any awkward talk,I thank God I do night travels no one could see me because baby my gangsta points are quite dear to me am sorry😅...I kept thinking why life had to be this hard,why I just can't be in a place of rest and peace...and I remember taking out my phone,went to binge watch YouTube to escape this mental space,I wanted a song to lift me up...and I came across this song called Cheta by Ada Ehi...to this day it still remains one of my favourite songs....Cheta means remember,and I remember a line saying is anything too hard for me,is it ever too late for me,Cheta....at that moment I remember a voice so still and comforting whispering to me; I want you to trust me,just trust me,at this point the comfort that voice gave me was everything I needed and unlike anything I had ever known I felt at peace,and I shifted from crying out of stress to crying because I felt everything was going to be okay that it's never too late for God,that he will meet me exactly where I needed him the most and I don't know whether I fell asleep but for the rest of the journey,I was back to my normal high spirits,I was happy...and looking back everything worked out,infact better than anything I had imagined,better than how I had planned...and I was so grateful because he made it better for me...but first he had to get me to a place where I would trust him with everything I got, everything in me.

Sometimes when am sad or feel inadequate about anything I tell God even if I had nothing but him I would still have everything but if I had everything but him I would have nothing...and I trust him because I know if I felt adequate complete without him I would still be inadequate and out of his purpose for me but if I don't have it together if the water is so deep and I don't know how I would do it but have him I can do it because his strength will be made perfect in my weakness and there is peace we tap into once we realize we are carriers of his glory,in our own unique ways he will manifest his glory through us but it will come from a place of submission trust and faith that has no borders...faith he wants to grow us everyday,today I may be thinking I have enough faith and trust in God until life hits again and maybe this is why faith is expressed as a mustard seed in the Bible...a mustard seed is the smallest seed on earth yet the tree itself one of the largest...and the fact faith is compared to this seed shows how our faith is always growing always and daily...

I am thinking of doing a faith series for a couple of weeks,like trust and faith because am in that season,infact I feel my year has been about this...and I know it's tempting to live life with just normal faith,the just enough faith,just enough trust...but if Jesus said whoever will pray that the mountain should move and be cast on the sea and believe in his heart it is done,it will be done for him...if Jesus performed so many miracles and still said he didn't perform many miracles because of people's lack of faith maybe its time we sit in the presence of God,we sit in the feet of Jesus and ask him the kind of faith he wants us to have,that childlike faith,to show us how we can trust him,and I know he will because he loves us so much and he wants us to trust him with everything we got..to trust that he is with us,he is for us,he loves us,he sees us and he called us to do his works here on earth...I know and I believe together we can grow in our faith,in our trust of the Almighty God and I know it may be uncomfortable it will be unfamiliar but what's better than having an intimate trusting relationship with our saviour...what's better than living life with a positive mind filled with belief that our best days are ahead of us and that he got us no matter how our life may look like,because life may change ,seasons do but our God remains the same always...so our knowledge and understanding of him will never wither if we have steadfast childlike faith in him...so much trust,if we seek him,his presence and his heart...we will be filled in every area,we will not walk alone in any season of our life...