Broken Crayons Still Colour

 It's been a while and honestly am too embarrassed to apologize yet I just want to let you in,to invite you in this intimate space,a space where we give ourselves an opportunity to look inwards,to reflect,to learn and to grow...to be who God knows us to be,tearing off all the labels,personas and coats life forced us to wear...and doing it alone is utterly and completely boring my dear readers😃am trying to find a new rhythm and routine,prayed about it frankly...today I realised unless I take the first step and just do it God cannot order my next step,he needs my cooperation and partnership...I realised God wants to work through us,to show his nature and character through us but without our willingness to let him in,to partner with him,it may remain a regular prayer...

A step of faith no matter how little is what God needs from us,he will take care of us in every way possible as long as we let him take care of us,he will come through I wanted to post my article since last week,had it ready for some time but procrastination got the best of me,and I realised I was praying for a new routine or rhythm that currently fits me yet wasn't ready to do my own part...I know it's TMI and I promise my blog will remain as raw and honest as possible...

This goes to say life is messy,and as much as I  would love to think it's only messy externally truth is,it's more messy within...we don't always get to have good days and if you do please lend me some you lucky fellow! Unfortunately life is messy and many times the mess is stocked in our hearts,our minds cannot fathom the thought of staying quite,they always engineer the anxious thoughts don't they? Pain messes with our whole being, I heard a quote a while back that there is pain that breaks us and there's pain that alters us.. that kind of pain alters your whole being.. the mess from within is ugly,for the longest time I felt no one talked how messy we are as human beings,how we can go from being a confident human to a timid one,from having positive thoughts to negative thoughts,from knowing who we are and being bold about it to questioning our whole existence,from a stable loving friendship or relationship to healing from a nasty betrayal,from laughing with our loved ones to grieving...nothing is promised,we live by faith...

Sometimes the uncertainty and unknown tomorrows' makes us anxious...and if we are truly honest with ourselves our mess makes us feel disqualified for the destiny we always thought was possible for us,for an intimate relationship with God,'no God can't want to hear from me,I have done so many nasty things,am not his type..he loves the good ones,the ones who have perfect behaviours that reflect him not me who is always struggling financially mentally or emotionally' personally this is what I thought,infact I was clear about it....yes I knew he loved me but i couldn't understand why he would want to use someone like me,I don't like those kind of things,I clearly told God you know what, that's not my thing and I love my life so much,if you wanted to use me I wouldn't have gone through the pain I went through,it made me a different person,messed me up and am okay with how I turned out,you need to find another person for this purpose,my life is perfect and this is not my plan😅

Judge me if you like but I will be honest,I was angry with God for everything he told me,my only question was why me God,why me am not interested and it's until I watched a sermon that I surrendered to God's strategy for my life not knowing how the outcome will be,not knowing what lays ahead of me but surrendered and gave him my yes,I know I talk about surrender alot and it may seem easy but it's not it takes time and I will write about submission exclusively on a later date...I still remember Sarah Jakes saying God's strategy is undebatable,we can debate about everything else but his strategy his will for us is undebatable...it was made before he formed us in our mother's womb,yes we are messy yes nothing in our lives is going well,infact we may hate it altogether but guess what God knows us,he knows his will for us he told Jeremiah before I formed you in the womb I knew you,I sanctified you and I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations, he never formed the mess,no the mess came as a result of free will, decisions made by us or people close to us... because we can't control life and how it unfolds....

That's why I love how God loves us even in a mess,in this messy world he promised us many things but one that stands out for me is that whoever believes in his son Jesus Christ shall not perish but have everlasting life...that in itself is a heavy promise he gave us,he knew the world is messy hence promised his children that If they could only believe in his begotten son...tap into him,let him in,invite him we shall not perish he will take us through every mess and be our peace that surpasses all understanding...that we might be in a mess and the mess will not define us nor will we last in the mess forever, because our God uses everything for our good,his glory...our mess is not ugly to him he won't let the shame destroy us,take our identity and confidence... he will cover us.

Am reminded how Jesus stooped to the level of the woman who was brought to him for judgement,the people said she should be stoned for she was a sinner and we see how Jesus said if anyone had no sin should be the first to throw the stone and each one of them went away one by one....we talk how Jesus taught about judging people but Jesus didn't just do that he went down on the ground where the woman was,wrote something down and rose again,he broke the ground for the woman,he knew the woman was in a mess,full of shame but he still went down to her level in her mess,we don't know what he wrote down but right there when he went down to her level on the ground,I see just how much God loves us,he doesn't care about our mess we may think it's too ugly for him but he will go down to the place we are... in our mess and sit with us,love on us,cover us,set us free from shame,I don't think shame can sit the same place with the presence of God because where God is there is compassion freedom peace and love we feel free.. 

I love that beautiful story because Jesus not only saved the woman from the wrath of the society but he went down to her mess and set her free from shame he covered her with his glory....he gave her a new chance in life, freedom to redefine her life and this is the God we serve today,still wants to be invited in our mess ..still wants us to let him in... His desire is not for us to go through life alone,he wants to be part and parcel of everything not just the good times but the bad messy times when we don't trust anyone when we feel too ugly, not enough, when we think we will never see the other side,when we feel torn broken...God says let me in that mess too let me in I want to be with you.. imagine our God our mighty powerful great God still desires to come and be with us in our mess,in whatever capacity,he wants it...because he knows us,he sees the mess but he says I know you...I know the person I created not this mess,baby I didn't want you to go through this mess but let me show you what we can do with it,let me create your breakthrough from your breakdown let me show you who I am because I am your God, not just in the good times when you look all pretty and blessed but even when you doubt yourself and feel too messy,I want to be part of that version you hide from everyone that broken self despising version,that version that can't take it anymore I want that part...Let me show you what I can do with a mess.. let's make it work out for your good let me take you through this mess so that anytime you find yourself in another because life is messy you will be reminded who I am...the God you serve and what I did for you,this time round you will surrender your mess and everything else to me for there will be no doubt in your heart of my character and nature....I am God,I am your God,your father your friend your saviour your companion in light and in darkness...

Maybe broken crayons still colour just as brightly...just as colourful and God is the best artist I know, he makes the best pieces he writes the best stories he moulds the best craft he is the best potter he is the master and am the masterpiece,make it personal with God,if you are in pain be in pain with God,if your life feels like a total mess let God sit with you in that mess, sometimes we hate how messy it is and our only desire is for God to make things better for us,let him in not only will he make things better for you in due time but also work your insides,that mess will nurture you, sometimes what we call a mess to him is just a preparation ground necessary for the job that awaits us and sitting with God gives him room to work things out in alignment with his will and plan for us,he comforts us,gives us peace he makes everything better than we could ever envision, because his plans are not our plans nor are his thoughts our thoughts...

In summary ladies and gentlemen haha all am saying is giving God our ultimate surrender when we feel messy maybe the best decision we will make in that space....and maybe we will have to go through a mess in order to come out of a mess. For change to occur there must be a disruption now imagine giving God a chance to disrupt everything for his glory,to disrupt your life imagine how beautiful the outcome will be? Peace🌼