What does it look like...

 Hello dear readers...I don't know about you but personally I fight a lot of negative thoughts.Yes I fight alot of thoughts,thoughts trying to weigh me down and truth is am becoming better at it, hallelujah 😂😀...I know who I am and I definitely know when the enemy is lying to me...I know when my thoughts are trying to put me down,make me feel less than, unqualified to be used by God and just a lazy sufferer...I know when my heart sinks based on these thoughts... sometimes am able to fight these thoughts with the truth of what God says,who he says I am... sometimes though,they weigh me down,so much and all I can do is bring them up to God...tell God I need his strength to collide with my heart,my mind,my spirit...I need him,his wisdom,his knowledge his confidence...and I love it because I know I don't have to fight this alone,I don't have to pretend am okay with God,I don't have to dismiss my feelings, insecurities,fears or doubts...I just come to him as I am...me Cathy...and I know he will help me,guide me mostly.. his presence will make me fine and keep me going,his spirit lives in me...

That's the essence...you see when we pretend with God,we don't give him a chance to let his glory shine through every part...we give him the parts we think he approves yet he doesn't choose,he can go just as low for us and just as high...nothing is too messy or too ugly for him...nothing is too big for him...he wants it all because he already knows what we are hiding... he's just waiting for us to trust him with "us"... he's waiting to show us his glory, he's waiting for us to trust him so that he can show us what a miracle looks like...what comes through when God is involved...your waiting for God to hear your cry,God is waiting on you to come to him undone,with all the brokenness,all the scars,the damage...just give them to him,let him in and see what he does...see what it looks like when we hear people saying he turns what the enemy had meant for evil and uses it for good...

When we don't hide,we get to build an intimate relationship with our God,our dad,Christ paved way for us...he gave us access ..he is ours,we can reach him in his name and tell him "God let me see what you can do with this broken heart,God let me see what you can do with this trauma,God let me see what you can do with this fears,this thoughts,this insecurities that are trying to make me feel less of who you say I am,God is there space in your kingdom for someone like me,God what do you see in me that you want to see through me,God who am I,God how can I partner with you,I see you using people as your vessel God I want that too,I don't want to be the girl who doubts herself,who lets thoughts overwhelm her,who lets people get into her,God I want my mind to be a reflection of you,I want to walk in power,grace and wisdom...and not just when I feel powerful,God I want to walk in Power even when I feel powerless,I want to know how it feels like when one is led by the spirit,God I hear your strength collides with our weakness,and glory bursts through.. am asking boldly for this kind of glory,I want to depend on you fully not just partially...not just when I think am falling apart that's when I ran to you...not that kind of relationship,not the give take relationship...I want the father daughter relationship the best friends relationship the couch client relationship...the relationship where I know you have my back my front my everything...the relationship where I can praise you even in a Storm because I know who controls the storm.